He's tired of it...

There is going to come a time when an alcoholic stops functioning as a human, and reverts back to being the alcoholic. At least now I can recognize when it is happening and not feel like the world has stopped. There is all this literature out there promising that Alcoholism is a progressive disease. If the alcoholic doesn't stop drinking, there will be worse things happening. It is so apparentl. THIS IS TRUE.
So yesterday, he had a bad day. A really bad day. I had a bad day too, but that's beside the point, obviously. He had a bad day, wouldn't tell me what happened, just that he was so tired of it. Tired of work, tired of being married, tired of kids, tired of the dog. Just tired of it. I said everyone feels that way sometimes. He said "You DONT know how I feel." I said okay, what happened today. He said everything. He was grouchy, so leave him alone.
Now, with my new set of boundaries, I said okay. And did. It proceeded to get worse. But I know it his junk hitting him, instead of me. I'm not picking up the blame for making everything bad in his life, so he has to feel that. Sanity wins one today. And ironically, I felt better after my horrible day because I sat with the kids on the couch and watched Jeopardy - snuggling with my babies who aren't babies any more.
And just like God promised, the sun came up today. Thank you for new mercies today God, and for my focus being on you where it is not such a bad day!
And just for the record: I.Am.Tired.Of.It TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Insanity from this side of Town

Today I went to a great workshop. It was about living with addiction and how to find normal. After I got done laughing at that...like any of us who have lived with addiction would recognize normal if it walked up, said howdy, and introduced itself!?! Anyway, I was fortunate to be there with severl members of my al-anon group. One of the ladies I haven't seen in a while. She was so sweet that after the meeting she said I have come a long way since my first Al-Anon meeting. It was really nice to have someone on the outside see that I have changed.
Now back to reality...
INSANITY from this side of the fence...
Playing Wii - shooting stuff - AWESOME...Son starts to play. Game ends. Husband (alcoholic) freaks out because he turns off the remote manually.
Do you need to freak out about this? I don't think so. Have you ever heard of picking your battles...don't sweat the small stuff. Really, mostly it is all small stuff to me.
That's why I'm getting better, and some one else is not.
Ugh - I love my husband, but the insanity is sometimes a little hard to take. At least I am better than before, and hopefully that is what I will pass on to my children.

The Hamburger DRAMA!!

It must be said that after divorcing my alcoholic husband, you would think I would have discovered more of a "normal" man to marry. I have gone from one insane corner of the emotional and dysfunctional world to yet another. Don't get me wrong - I love my husband! He really tries and at times makes alot of sense...

This is not about husband bashing, it is only about the INSANITY of dysfunction! It is about learning how to get through the dysfunction!

Therefore, the story of this evening follows:

Hamburgers - todays stress revolves around hamburgers!

My daughter (16) who has not eaten beef for about 8 years! is forced to eat hamburger. Luckily - she sucked it up and did very well, but the question remains "why would you try to pick this fight?" - "Does it really matter that she doesn't like beef, when she is willing to eat chicken and pork?" Anyway, the hamburger was eaten with no tears, no yelling, no grounding! Praise God!

My husband has good intentions - wanting her to be "normal"! LOL! Truly a funny statment since normal is just the setting on the washer and truly does not exist in the realm of human behavior!

It is the attitude of "SHE will do as I say." "She is not going to amount to anything!" She is ...
It is the attitude of him being the Drill Sgt. and her being the new recruit!
So- why does it have to be a power struggle? I believe that he has the need to feel all powerful.

Everyone else is wrong - not him...

At least dinner has ended with no tears today - we will see what tomorrow holds.